Trump Impeachment--What, No Sex? by Larry C Johnson

While Democrat partisans like David Axelrod and Chuckie Schumer raved about Adam "The Liar" Schiff's two hour drone attack on the English language, folks grounded in reality realized that this was a visual version of the Hindenburg crashing and burning. There are key indicators that the Trump Impeachment saga is not going as Democrats hoped:

Opthamologists across the United States have been flooded with patients who had attempted to claw out their eyes after being forced to watch just one hour of the proceedings.

Radical Muslim prisoners in Guantanamo Bay, who were strapped into their chairs with their eyes taped open and forced to watch the Impeachment hearings, are demanding to be water boarded instead.

The UN Commission on Human Rights has weighed in and decreed that compelling prisoners to watch the hearing is a most dastardly, evil form of torture.

Pharmaceutical manufacturer Sanofi-Aventis has filed suit against the Democrat National Committee for copyright infringement alleging that the hearings are interfering with the sale of Ambien.

David Axelrod in particular must be hitting the Obama ganja pipe. He actually said that Schiff's presentation would go down in history as memorable and as a "tour de force." I do not think he understands the word memorable. He is pushing the line that this is memorable in the same sense of any of Winston Churchill's speeches during World War II resonated and inspired the peoples of the free world. It was not that kind of memorable. Schiff's presentation has more in common, I think, with that time in third grade when you were sitting in class and got hit with a bad case of diarrhea and did not make the bathroom in time. Yes, that kind of memorable sticks with you but is not a source of inspiration or joy. To the contrary.

Let us be truthful about the matter. This impeachment case against Trump is hampered by the absence of sex and the presence fat ugly people. At least in the Bill Clinton case there was the possibility of titillation. Clinton lied about an act (or acts) of fellatio with a female intern. He also reportedly employed a cigar as a sex toy and then lit up to enjoy a peculiarly flavorful smoke. And there was a blue dress that reportedly was stained by Presidential semen.

That's a story line worthy of PORN HUB. People tuned in, at least initially, to watch the proceedings in 1999 in hopes of being able to indulge vicariously in a Presidential sexual fantasy. But even with that promising foundation, the impeachment of Bill Clinton proved to be pedantically boring. Bill lied to Federal law enforcement about getting oral sex from someone other than his wife. The vast majority of Americans, especially men, said, "so what." Any man getting a blow job from someone other than his wife and keen on saving his marriage (or avoiding a costly divorce) would lie, even to God. No upside to telling the truth about that misstep.

So where is the Trump storyline? He asked the Ukrainian President to find out if Joe Biden used his influence to derail a investigation of a Ukrainian gas company that had put his boy on the board and decided to pay him $83,000 a month. And when all was said and done, the Ukrainians did not do as Trump asked, the Ukrainian leader got a meeting with Trump and foreign aid flowed.

There is no drama here. There is no hidden villain. No explosive, unreleased transcript. And, no sex. To make matters worse, the viewers are forced to watch some genuinely ugly, fat people on camera talking endlessly. Even blind people see Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler and Zoe Loffgren as unattractive. Why do you think popular TV shows, including cable news channels, only hire attractive people? Because most viewers prefer beauty over having to look at the grotesque visage of the average politician. 

Are Americans really this shallow? They will watch if there is sex and beauty. Yes. But there is a third category--the car wreck. If there is a massive pileup on the highway people driving by will also slow down hoping to catch a glimpse of carnage and fire. Unfortunately for the Democrats who are hoping that their Schiff Show will rally Americans to grab torches and pitchforks and storm the White House to rid the nation of Frankenstein Trump, the hearing is going over like a show about people who drag their fingernails over a blackboard. 

Too bad the Senate cameras do not pan over the assembled group of Senators. We could have some real fun with counting the number who are nodding off, drooling while napping or sneaking a crossword puzzle in as a diversion from the yammering of House Democrats.

There is a reason Donald Trump was a success on reality TV. He understood how to create drama and how to attract viewers. I cannot recall a single contestant on the Apprentice who looked like Adam Schiff, Jerry Nadler or Zoe Loffgren. Trump knew intuitively that ugly does not sell.