"Solar Powered Wombat Assassins" Eco-Citizen Australia

 

"In a hurried announcement this morning The Australian Defence Force released details of their latest clean energy developments in an alarming report stating that a new breed of autonomous solar powered wombat soldier will be deployed for domestic and overseas combat situations. In a joint effort between the Australian Federal Police (AFP) and the Australian Defence Force (ADF) called the Autonomous Wombat Research Department (AWRD) there are firm plans in place to deploy these genetically modified autonomous crime ‘regulating’ wombats onto the streets of Australia for an initial trial period before ‘rolling out’ the wombats to the rest of the world."

-------------------------------------------

Walrus, our correspondent in Melbourne, forwarded us this item gleaned from the local press.  He was sitting in a deck chair in the cockpit of his yacht anchored off Bora Bora and waiting for the sunset when he was inspired to use his on board wi-fi to get this to us.

I don't know how the sequester will affect Wombat deployments to America, but we can hope.  We can hope.  pl 

Comments

[The beaver]

April fool day :-)

[blowback]

The British militarized wombats back in 1950s for anti-tank purposes and they could defeat any Warsaw Pact armoured fighting vehicle of the era.

[John Minnerath]

They'd pass unnoticed through the high crime ridden aisles of Walmarts, and on slow days could do double duty as "Greeters". A win win situation.
I can foresee some anti discrimination suits by Koala Bears though.

[Maureen Lang]

The details regarding "our correspondent in Melbourne" sound suspiciously like a biographical article I read once on Errol Flynn. The actor was waxing rhapsodic about his early life to a reporter, "...well, old man, once when I was 20 and running slaves off the coast of New Guinea..." What a whale of a tall tale, thinks the reporter. I can't put this whopper in my article.

It turned out to be true. Flynn, who was born in Tasmania & an experienced seaman, had at age 20 owned a tobacco plantation in New Guinea run by slave labor.

Now, WHERE exactly was Walrus anchored off Bora Bora.....?

A merry April Fools Day to all.

[oofda]

Understand DARPA is doing research with armadillos to develop an armoured version of the solar powered wombat assassin.

[Peter C]

Due to the superior burrowing and tunneling capabilities of the Wombat, a battalion of the 1st Wombat Combat Brigade will be dispatched to the DMZ in Korea to send a clear message to the Norks that tunneling will not be tolerated.

[turcopolier]

maureen

I leave it to walrus to decide if he wishes to disclose the exact location. Bora Bora looks like a hell of a place. The name brings to mind the old San Miguel commercial, "I was standing on the beach at Bora Bora..." pl

[John Minnerath]

Not so much where he was anchored, but how many bottles of that great Australian beer were lined up on the gunnels.

[Maureen Lang]

Agreed. If he doesn't want to give out with the latitude/longitude, not a problem.

San Miguel Dark...Pop's favorite beer. Used to buy him a six pack from time to time when I went up to visit. Good addition to cooking pot roast & chili, too.

[Grimgrin]

Didn't they cut funding for US deployment of this technology with the rationale that the solar powered wombat assassin role would be served by the F-35?

[DH]

Cagey Aussies.

[David Habakkuk]

Of course, none of you will not have read reports of the controversy over the culling of badgers in the UK.

Information has reached me that David Cameron’s spin doctors have – as it were – uncovered a solution.

Badgers are to be offered an amnesty, so long as they volunteer to be ‘suicide badgers’.

As such, they can replace British troops in Afghanistan, who the spin doctors want to get back home as soon as possible – insofar as this is compatible with refusing to admit that the war was a SNAFU from the word go.

In addition, the spin doctors are very worried about Obama’s enthusiasm for drone strikes – which are not very popular over here.

They are toying with the idea of offering the ‘suicide badger’ as an alternative to drones.

[Fred]

Looks like we are still safe at night.

[Jose]

We AMERICANS can DO BETTER!!!!

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57401929-1/robotic-jellyfish-for-u.s-navy-powers-itself-with-seawater/

http://techland.time.com/2013/03/29/watch-robotic-jellyfish-cyro-could-work-for-navy-come-after-you/

http://www.latimes.com/news/science/sciencenow/la-heb-robotic-jellyfish-cyro-navy-20130328,0,1772761.story

[Tyler]

But not a word on the importation of saltwater crocodiles to help patrol the border along the Rio Grande - more liberal media blackout.

I look forward to the Crocodilian Response Arrest Patrol.

[Maureen Lang]

I was thinking more of fishing coordinates, but what goes better with hauling in a few Wahoo than hoisting a few (name your favorite label).

[walrus]

Actually I was enjoying a fine Australian Cabernet Sauvignon a few months ago at the only Yacht CLub with its own secret military base when I saw my fist combat wombat.

The Defence Department uses the Swan Island base for testing these beasts because it was the only place these Wombats couldn't burrow out of to escape.

We saw several that managed to stray our way before being recaptured. You can see some of the cages if you use Google earth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swan_Island_%28Victoria%29

Earlier experiments with Claymore Kangaroos failed as the animals couldn't be reliably trained to face their pouch towards the enemy before detonation.

The Drop Bears (A species of carnivourous Koala) are already guarding the Northern rainforests.

http://www.australiangeographic.com.au/journal/drop-bears-prefer-travellers-says-study.htm

A merry day to all.

[turcopolier]

walrus

Be careful. Loose lips sink wombat swimmers. pl

[Mark Logan]

It would be unwise to reveal your location, Walrus. Flying monkeys are GPS equipped these days.

http://tinyurl.com/cxqadk6

[oofda]

Of course you all remember the British Army being accused of loosening man-eating badgers in Iraq. The accusations led UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer to make the memorable statement: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/6295138.stm

[markfromireland]

Alas there are reports that our antipodean Odobenus rosmarus friend failed to look up and is now another drop bear victim behold I have proof :-).

http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/e/e3/Government_Drop_Bear_Warning.jpg

Any kindly souls here are invited to send him several kegs of your best bourbon to aid him in his recovery.

mfi

PS: Happy April Fool's day.

[JohnH]

I had no idea that wombats had such an effective lobby--right up there with Ziocrazies!

But you have to admit that wombats are the ideal solution for fighting all those terrorist wallabys (Australian pronowciation for wannabees).

[elkern]

The man had good taste in beer! That's my favorite too (except on St Patricks's Day, when I splurge for the real thing).

[elkern]

... but they call it Wombat Day down under, I've heard, becuase they're spinning backwards & it's actually April 30th there now.

[Anonymous]

Torquemada is hard at work preparing a droneborne squad of solar-powered wombat killers for nominal-american termination. A hard task because there are particular constraints to the american scenario: the wombats must weight more than cambodian capitains, they have to be barn-crash-proof and be able to pass through packs of special-forces-trained Norwich Terriers, just to name a few. Poor Torquemada, his life is hell.