Act of Valor. Directed by: Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh (who for some reason refer to themselves as the "Bandito Brothers," howsomever only during séances of butt-slapping and drinking beer right outten the bottle on account of you ain't not getting near the SEALs unless you can walk the walk). Starring: Dunno. It's a secret, so we don't get the names beyond Master Chief Bob (not his real name) and Lieutenant Senior Grade Bob (not his real name) only it's his real face, up there ten foot tall for whole world including terrorists and foreign agents to see so not sure how clever this whole secret squirrel premise is, but hey... Rest of the cast, it is alleged, all active duty service members, at least all of them who can't act. CIA agent billed as Roselyn Sanchez (perhaps her real name, perhaps not... but mostly not her real face since largest part her time on screen we only see that face all swolled up on account of beat to pulp by evil Philippine cum Guatemalan cum Baluchistani narco-atomo-islamo-barbo-terrorists, who, if they'd stay off the cell phone, would probably still be at it).
Whoa! Lousy movie! Ouch! I have said previously and of the film Ladder 49 (review attached, maybe) that a lousy movie about firemen is still a good movie. Civilians need to see it between excursions to the Galleria if for no other reason to get an idea of the life of those who protect them and of the sacrifice that such a life entails. I'm tempted to say the same thing regarding a lousy movie about SEALs: still a good thing, whether it's Steven Segal on a battleship, Charlie Sheen in Q'bqkkqb, Bruce Willis in Zimbabwaziland, Demi Moore in Q'bqkkqb, or, as in this case Master Chief Bob and his Ell Tee (secret squirrel Navy talk for Lieutenant, often abbreviated LT), Lieutenant Senior Grade Bob in Mexico? Mexico? Wait a minnit. We run black ops in Mexico? Jeez... we better hope they don't watch Gringo movies and find out, hunh? In fact, it's surprising how many sovereign countries we do violate in this movie. I for one do not necessarily object, just not sure how smart we are to tell whole flockin' world about it and validate that asservation by the presence of actual operators in the documentary (no Mexicans were harmed during the filming this um, er... documentary, story is: documentary that went wildly, comically wrong).
I mention Ladder 49 and remind readers that it ends up in a cemetery with a fireman's funeral. That put me in mind at the time of similar scenes in film, notably the finale of Coppola's Gardens of Stone, where they plant the teddybear lieutenant in Arlington to the plaintive wail of Taps and the report of that celebratory volley for a dead man likely killed by a volley. Last time I was at Arlington to plant one of my buds from the Vietnam Era (as we now call Ancient History), was in the Medal of Honor Patch (where they drop Lieutenant Senior Grade Bob... sorry to spoil it for you, but it's in the teaser, so not a surprise). I couldn't get near the graveside since was clogged by all the four-stars and three-stars and two-stars and one-stars (all discretely stacked by rank, let me add, like jungle critters around a waterhole in Zimbabwaziland, Lamarckian hierarchy or sommat); driven back out among the other stones, I looked down at me boot to read "Jimmy Doolittle." Jeeez. Anyhow. Act of Valor ends up in Arlington, token we should know, of the consequences of American policy and American prosperity and American security, the guardians of which we follow through a series of adventures, vaguely related through their origin in the twisted conscience of a Rooshan (Baluchistani, Ukrainian... what's the difference?) arms czar (or tsar, if he really is Ukrainian).
The boys, SEAL Team (can't give away number on account of it's a secret), catch first the mission to rescue a compromised CIA operative (fee-male Médecins-sans-frontière type and I'm betting those guys not happy to see their outfit associated with CIA stoogitude). Cool multi-op where the SEALs HALO in to the AO on the QT, the operation goes south (as well as South), they lose a man (that is, they trade a rescuer for the rescuee), and get retrieved in a "hot extraction," as they announce (like we can't tell from the rounds flying: a word about automatic fire. A commando team only carry so much ammunition about each man's person. Burning it all up in first 12 seconds of a contact not always a prudent strategy. Howsomever, in defense of SEAL marksmanship, that short barreled M-4 does have a tendency to scatter rapid-fire in a fairly wide arc, so it is possible to fire, like, 3842 rounds and not hit doodle, as is the case here. Same for the narco-islamo-atomo-barbo-terrorists with their AKs, even worser on account of the AK a piece of stamped metal junk despite what you hear on teevee). The CIA fee-male, once snagged leads us to the kingpin of this whole mess (a plot to scatter ceramic ball-bearings (cool premise, whether plausible or not though I remember when Bruce Willis piously announced that the Glock was ceramic and therefore not detectable by airport scanners... yeah, right.) across the Western World starting with Superbowl XXXXVIII and through Mexico. To that end, we kidnap Sasha from his lair in Baluchistan, interrogate him (in what I take to be a corrective to all the torture talk) by means of deceptive affability and practicality (the barbarous narco-atomo-barbo-islamos use Black and Decker; Senior Master Chief Bob uses Winnie the Pooh). The Rooshan rolls over (it's pointed out that he's a Jew underwriting Islamists, but I dunno where that's supposed to take us) on Shabaz' operation to infiltrate the ceramics through Mexico, and we're off. Big gundown at the OK (Oqué) Tunnel with attendant consequences for that empty plot in Arlington.
Hey. Lotsa shooting. Real SEALs do that. Lotsa high-fiving and hey-bro-ing. Guess real SEALs do that. No sex. Couldn't find any real SEALs to tackle that one... urf! urf! Lousy Movie. Script is the main problem: wooden, mono-dimensional, clilché-sodden, devoid of character, though the ceramic ball-bearing thing seems novel. The SEALs do their best, but ironically, as members of a value-heavy culture (combat men, professionals), they seem incapable of the modest subterfuge even of pretending to be what they are. The nobility of SEALS (whatever idiot missions we may impose upon them and under the aegis of whatever idiot policy we may concoct) has never been in question that I know of. Why would anyone think the superficiality of a movie (especially a lousy one) was needed to affirm that? Recommendation from this 25-year veteran Special Forces operator: shadow-shrouded anonymity still the best posture for these guys... and oh, yeah... wait for video.
Why can't Army Generals get SF/Rangers good PR like this?
BTW, everyone in my party that never served in the military loved the movie...lol
Posted by: Jose | 07 March 2012 at 09:32 AM
Who ever wrote this should be writing for SNL!
Posted by: Jake | 07 March 2012 at 09:35 AM
YUP! Wait for the video! I did find it of interest that theatre was full. Election year--maybe National Security not national economy will be of major interest. Perhaps not--since as this movie points out leave it to the professionals to get hurt. Not good for a democracy in my judgement. We all have a stake in their (the Professionals) victories and/or defeats.
Anyone no of open source best documentation of victories and/or defeats since August 1945? Year and month of VJ-DAY!
Posted by: William R. Cumming | 07 March 2012 at 10:15 AM
I see.
Not to quibble over technical accuracy, but shouldn't that be barbarous narco-atomo-barbo-CERAMO-islamos?
Posted by: Charles I | 07 March 2012 at 10:59 AM
WRC
I think it is a big mistake yo use active duty military for advertising. The Navy is nuts to have done this. "Tarnish on the blade." pl
Posted by: turcopolier | 07 March 2012 at 11:10 AM
I haven't seen this flick yet. I've read a few reviews now and I'll confess that I wondered at one point WWAFT (What would Alan Farrell think)? Question answered. Yeah, I think I'll wait until I can snag this one on Netflix. No offense to the SEALs but acting should be left to the professional fakers not professional doers.
Hey Mr. Farrell: Have you seen the film Doomsday yet? Fairly B-rate film, sorta Escape From New York meets 28-Days Later meets the Road Warrior. If you have beer and pretzels that need consuming the movie could be of service.
Posted by: Medicine Man | 07 March 2012 at 03:11 PM
They should have made the Mexican thing the main focus of the movie. With all the hype about Zetas being special forces themselves (possibly recepients of American training during their more legit days)...it would have been a cooler showdown.
By now, everyone has the sense that the Islamic dudes are more about long-term attrition than short-term precision (which is what the Seals are supposed to be about). So capping one of their guys, even if it's Bin Ladin...it just feels so unsatisfying because you know the war ain't over.
Off-topic, I think someone brought up "real people" being unable to act. My dad used to show me these old Italian movies where they used "normal" people as the stars. One thing I quickly noticed was that the "normal folk" really excelled in the religious movies. My sense is that because these people genuinely believed (like God will be mad if I don't "bring it" believe...) it gave them license to express intensity & emotions they'd normally mask in everyday life.
Posted by: Paul Escobar | 07 March 2012 at 06:21 PM
You mean ammo doesn't arrive like manna from heaven when you pray into a radio? (Not sure about resupply of the narco-islamo-atomo-barbo-terrorists, maybe there was a secret Walmart nearby?)
Posted by: Fred | 07 March 2012 at 07:29 PM
My fellow hockey players thought it was a great movie but then....
Cannot wait to read his review of John Carter
Posted by: Russ | 07 March 2012 at 07:58 PM
All
This movie is an insult to SF soldiers (and SEALS). Watch "Tears of the Sun." pl
Posted by: turcopolier | 07 March 2012 at 08:02 PM
Haven't seen it...I'll probably rub a lot of people the wrong way, but it seems a little jingoistic. Could a movie like "Two Days of the Condor" be made today?
RC
Posted by: Robert C. | 07 March 2012 at 10:49 PM
I haven't seen any of the last few movies Alan has reviewed, and I won't because there's no way they will be as entertaining as his reviews.
Who funded this movie? Was it the military?
Posted by: optimax | 07 March 2012 at 11:43 PM
A little Bruce in the jungle? Sold.
Posted by: Charles I | 08 March 2012 at 10:42 AM
They don't make em like they used to, that's for sure. IMO, some of the best war films came out of the early to mid 70's era when directors were given a long artistic leash. One of my favorites, The Deerhunter, comes to mind. It still gets me after all these years. The story behind that movie is quite interesting. Much of what happened in that movie was serendipitous and improvisational. The actors and the director took not only artistic risks, but quite literally, physical risks.....and it made all the difference. The funding behind it was also somewhat mysterious. It was funded through some obscure European outfit named EMI Films. Chimino was somewhat of a freak then, and he certainly is now. This was by far his best work, although despite the bad press, Heaven's Gate was actually a decent movie.
Posted by: Morocco Bama | 08 March 2012 at 01:38 PM
Brother Farrell,
Roselyn Sanchez is a real person, late of 88 episodes of "Gone Without a Trace" as FBI hottie, Elena Delgado. She can act, but that P.R. accent would give away her a cover as a Mexican physician to even a deaf terrorist. That and the adoption of "bandito brothers" makes me think those directors must have had a rough time with the pachucos in their high school. It's "bandido," gringos chingados.
I just figured all that ammo was being delivered by one of those "invisible helicopters."
I noted that the M-4's seem to be the kind chambered for 6.8 SPC, nice and authoritative (and heavier to carry in fusillade quantities).
I liked Senior Master Chief's sudden appearance in blazer and tie for the interrogation of "Crisco," if you're gonna beat the shit out of a suspect it's always better to lay it off on our brethren of the Christians in Action, nest-ce pas?
Posted by: Basilisk | 09 March 2012 at 03:10 PM
We watched it last night. It was almost completely un-hackneyed. A well paced, well done film that speaks for itself without preachiness. Barely manages to exploit Monica Belluci's cleavage, and only for a few seconds at that. I only had to squelch my disbelief a couple times, first when eltee Waters managed to turn the choppers around from the back seat. . .
I shudder to think of the character development amongst the effects and explosions in Act Of Valor
"Drop everything that don't go boom" No wonder they speak of Bronze Bruce at VMI.
Posted by: Charles I | 10 March 2012 at 10:38 AM
Its not that jingoistic at all, indeed, humanistic. Bruce is stoic, professional, human, doesn't crack any jokes, it is a good movie.
Posted by: Charles I | 10 March 2012 at 10:39 AM
Come to VMI, he's like this in every French lecture. Not an ounce of sanity in the man, but he's a comedic genius. Also the smartest man I've ever met.
Posted by: Bobby | 20 March 2012 at 10:26 PM