Flash! - Israel declines annexation of the United States. (satire)

 
"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. 

"Vice President Biden, Speaker Boehner, distinguished senators, members of the House, honored guests, I’m deeply moved by this warm welcome. And I’m deeply honored that you’ve given me the opportunity to address Congress a second time. 

Mr. Vice President, do you remember the time that we were the new kids in town? 

And I do see a lot of old friends here, and I see a lot of new friends of Israel here, as well -- Democrats and Republicans alike. 

Israel has no better friend than America, and America has no better friend than Israel."

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The US Department of "Relations with Israel" has formally rejected British, Canadian and Puerto Rican claims of "closest" alliance with the United states.

In an impassioned speech today to the western (trans-Atlantic) branch of the Knesset, Prime Minister Natanyahu warmly accepted the 36 standing ovations of the US Congress, but stated firmly that in spite of Mormon claims of the early settlement of North "America" by the lost tribes of Israel and recent archaeology that the LDS church cites in support of that "fact," Israel could not in conscience accept the offer to merge the United States with Israel under the Israeli Basic Law.  Such a merger, he said would be traumatic for those "Americans" who could not claim Israeli citizenship under the Israeli "Law of the Return."

Senator Harry Reid of the district of Nevada expressed great sorrow at this rejection, saying at a press moment that he hoped that "President" Obama's disrespect, expressed earlier in the week, for the just claims of Israel to all the land between the Mediterranean and the Euprhates River (based on Biblical land grants) had not affected Natanyahu's decision.

The meaningless claims of the 'Palestinian" "South Syrians" to lands only recently and unjustly occupied (1,500 years) by their ancestors were properly dismissed by the Prime Minister with the comment that israel would deal generously with these squatters once they accepted the absolute supremacy of Israel and the status of their future enclave as a de-militarized reservation defended by Israel and under the security supervision of Israel on its "borders."

This was met with thunderous applause by the delegates, many of whom later expressed their hope that Israel would some day accept the inclusion of the US in the Zionist state.  pl

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/israeli-prime-minister-binyamin-netanyahus-address-to-congress/2011/05/24/AFWY5bAH_story.html

Comments

[Anna-Marina]

Long overdue: "If anyone had any doubts about whether the Palestinians would declare a state in September, they can't have them now."

http://politicalcorrection.org/fpmatters/

[Thomas]

Hilarious. Without humor, we would go insane.

[optimax]

We've hitched our wagon to a dying star.

[Charles I]

Dan, thanks, I did not notice that vry apropos slip, I was so gobsmacked with her demanour and body language.

[Fnord]

Neil Postman, eat your heart out. So strange to see a tv-event totaly disconnected from reality. It reminded me most of all about the old Soviet Union, where the ship was going down in flames while the speeches were triumphant. And all dissenters got touched out of the photos post-facto.

Its the rule of the men with sunglasses, who think you can kill your way out of anything. Whoopdedo, Im buying a cottage in the mountains.

[Thomas]

Fnord,

"a cottage in the mountains?"

I always read you as one who would stand and fight.